By Tiana Dawkins // Love & Relationships // EEW Magazine Online

*Photo: MoMoProductions, Getty / Illustration: EEW Magazine Online*

God has a great and Godly man tailormade for you, but the counterfeit always shows up before the real. To avoid being wooed and duped by a slick-tongued cutie, it is crucial that you engage in prayer, use discernment, and develop a biblical take on love and relationships.

Too many women see a fine specimen with lots of potential and let their guard down. Maybe you have done this, resulting in one or two horror stories. If that is the case, it’s all good. No shame here. This is a safe space. Instead of living with regret, be grateful for the experiences and lessons that have made you much wiser today.

If you’re interested in the rules of the dating game that will help you not make or repeat costly mistakes, your girlfriends at EEW Magazine Online have you covered!

Here are 7 red flags that land Fake Boaz on our ‘nah, he ain’t it’ list and can keep you from a world of hurt.

#1 He is not submitted to Christ. A lot of would-be good suitors have complicated feelings about Jesus, Christianity, and the foundations of our faith. Though it is okay for believers to have questions and engage in discussions about doctrinal issues, if a brother is anti-Christian and has no desire to be saved, this is a problem. The wisdom of 2 Corinthians 6:14 applies here: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB)

#2 He is a liar. I once dated a man who lied like he breathed. He was dishonest about almost everything, and I couldn’t trust anything that came out of his mouth. I was shattered when I later learned he was a con that was already in several other relationships. Girl, he was able to string me along for so long because I ignored the fact that he acted just like the devil. John 8:44 says this about Satan: “When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

#3 He is disrespectful. If he does not treat you with respect, he is not husband material. If Mr. Wrong does not show you basic human decency, there is no way he can be expected to obey the command of Ephesians 5:25: “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Millions of women are stuck in abusive relationships because they ignored or didn’t notice numerous red flags like aggressive behavior, gaslighting, manipulation, and verbal abuse. No matter how many other nice qualities he has, if he is not kind, run, sis. Run!

#4 He is controlling. During the dating phase of a relationship, is your partner trying to control every aspect of your life like what you wear, who you can talk to, where you can go, and what you can spend your time doing? I dated someone like this who insisted that I change major aspects of who I was to appease him. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life! If that man is jealous, envious, overbearing and easily triggered, beware. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says “love is patient and kind…not envious…not easily angered…or self-seeking.” If he always places his own interests and desires above yours, something is off.

#5 He is not actually single. Women of all ages get sucked in by men with commitment issues. If a man comes to you with a tired story about being in a relationship but being unhappy, please don’t fall into that trap. If he is married—even if the pair is separated—he is not actually single. Proverbs 5:15 is clear. It tells men, “Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone.” If he isn’t loyal to his wife, he won’t be loyal to you either. Furthermore, if he has a girlfriend that he claims is the worst person in the world, then why have they not broken up? Lastly, if he keeps you on a string but won’t define the relationship, nope. Walk away. We will not be doing any “situationship” type deals.

#6 He does not want to work. A great Bible verse is found in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 that says, “If anyone isn’t willing to work, he should not eat.” Period. It is not your duty to feed, clothe, house, transport, and take care of a grown man. Though someone may fall on hard times and need help, if you see a pattern of a man quitting jobs, refusing to look for work, or getting fired every other week, that is an issue. Companionship is great, but not great enough for you to carry a heavy, able-bodied man on your back because he lacks initiative to help himself. Nah, he ain’t it.

#7 He has addiction issues. Research shows that men are more likely than women to use illicit drugs. Before getting romantically involved with a drug addict or alcoholic, stop yourself, because they are in no shape to carry on a healthy relationship. Though tender-hearted women often try to cure, fix, or change the substance abuser with concern, compassion, and pleading, it never works. Before he can love you, he must love himself enough to seek treatment and stick to it. He can’t get sober for you; he must be willing to do it for him.

Look, relationships are complicated enough without the extra complication of being connected to the wrong man. Be careful. Pray. Wait on the Lord. The right one will come along.

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