Article By Joy Daniels // EEW Magazine // Spiritual

I grew up in a conservative Christian household where almost everything was considered to be sinful.

No nail polish, colorful hair, big earrings, form-fitting clothes—or any activities normal kids did for fun (like movies and skating)—were allowed in my house.

We were taught that we had to remain separate from the world, which meant that “looking like the world,” whatever that meant, was a no-no. While I am thankful for my upbringing and some of the solid Bible teaching I received, there are harmful lessons I learned that don’t fit Christ’s true message of grace.

For instance, there was so much emphasis placed on “looking holy” that I mistook it for being holy. Looking and being are fundamentally different! Modesty is not a bad thing; but it isn’t what frees us from the grip of sin.

As I grew up believing this way, it created a self-righteous attitude within me. I thought I was more acceptable and pleasing to God if my skirt wasn’t too short, if you my shirt wasn’t too low-cut, or if my hair color wasn’t so, you know, loud.

I know better today, but once upon a time I turned my nose up at other women that were more fashion forward, contemporary, and say, edgier, than me. I dismissed them as “baby Christians” that didn’t know any better. Worse yet, I would offer unsolicited opinions about their attire, assuming I was doing a good thing by offering guidance.

I had no idea that I was being legalistic, meaning I was striving to please God with my works. I thought I could earn His love with my good behavior and get more divine brownie points. It’s ridiculous, I know. But I believed it nonetheless.

In my ignorance, I said things and behaved in ways which I am no longer proud of. I am sure my words and attitudes hurt women who really were seeking God and made them feel like they weren’t accepted in the body of Christ.

But as one of my many favorite Maya Angelou quotes says, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” 

I am now doing better, but back then, even though I had read 1 Samuel 16:7 what felt like millions of times, I somehow failed to internalize the part of the Bible verse that says, “man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” He doesn’t see people how we see them.

God is not seeking after a conservative style of dress, but a pure heart. That’s what matters to Him the most.

As I have matured in my faith and learned more about Jesus’ teachings on grace, I have received my deliverance from the yoke of bondage called legalism. However, Galatians 5:4 perfectly explains where I once was: “You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.”

Thank God for showing me the way.

Today, although I am, by choice, more conservative in my own presentation, I no longer frown on others whose style is less muted than mine. I realize a woman can be saved and stylish. She can be a woman of faith and fashionable. She can walk in humility and “slay,” so-to-speak, at the same time.

It’s not a contradiction.

Isaiah 64:6 tells us, “We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags.”

In other words, God is not impressed with our works, even though His indwelling Spirit influences how we behave. He is concerned with whether or not our hearts are pure before Him, and the heart isn’t visible to anyone except Him.